100+ Dirty & Funny Pickup Lines

• Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
• Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
• My Love, you’re you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.
• Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
• If you n I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
• You might not be the best-looking girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.
• Man – “Fat Penguin!” Woman – “WHAT?” Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”
• I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
• If yer gonna regret this in the morning, we kin sleep til afternoon.
• Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
• If there was a party in your mouth I’d be the first person to come
• How about you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up
• Let’s play titanic when I say iceberg you go down
• If I was a watermelon would you spit my seed?
• The only reason I would kick you out of the bed is to fcuk you on the floor
• I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I’m kinda hoping you’re a slut!

                                               

• I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
• Wanna Job? It Blows!
• My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?
• Hi, I’m a burglar… and I’m gonna smash your back door in!
• You can call me “The Fireman”….mainly because I turn the shoes on!
• I’m a zombie, can I eat you out?
• I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
• I’m a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?
• I’m going to have s*x with you later, so you might as well be there!
• Some men go around telling women they have an eight-inch p*nis; I’d never shortchange myself like that!
• The last woman I was with said, “Kiss me where it stinks.” So, I drove her to New Jersey.
• Can I park my car in your garage? It’s pretty big, but it doesn’t leak.
• I have a tongue like an anteater; want to go to the zoo?
• I’m not a d*ck in real life, but I’ll play one in your v*gina tonight!
• Your a*s is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
• Looks don’t matter, I’ll just wrap you in a flag and fcuk you for glory.
• Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I’d sure love to tap THAT a*s!
• I would tell you a joke about my p*nis….buts its too long 

• My magical watch says you’re not wearing any p*nties…oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast…
• “I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I, at least, have the box it came in?
• ” I’m a Gemini. What’s your sign – Fire Down Below?
• We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I’ll poke you.
• I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?
• Hey baby, what’s your sign? Caution, Slippery When Wet, Dangerous Curves ahead, Yield?
• Roses are red, violets are blue, we’re having s*x, cause I’m stronger than you
• My cat’s dead, can I play with your p*ssy instead?
• Hey baby, I’m kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
• If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?
• The names D*ck, can I put it in you?

• Yeah. I’m an a*shole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?
• I think my allergies are acting up. Cuz every time your around my d*ck swells up.
• Walk up to a female and look at her crotch then look at her face back to crotch to face and say “Are you gonna eat that?”
• Baby, I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses, one leg over each ear.
• Hey! tell your ni*ples to stop staring at my eyes.
• Those bo*bs look very heavy… can I hold them for you?
• Let’s play circus, first sit on my face I’ll guess ur weight and Let’s eat the difference
• How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!
• That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
• You are so selfish! You’re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
• I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
• Come here or my d*ck will start CUMING for you!
• What’s the biggest moving muscle in a women’s body makes My cock!
• I’m bigger and better than the Titanic … only 200 women went down on the Titanic
• Lets play house…you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!
• The word for tonight is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word?
• Do you handle chickens because you look like you’d be good with c*cks
• Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
• I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!
• First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.
• Baby!! My love for you is like Diarrhea. It just keeps coming out
• Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
• Having s*x is a lot like golf. I’m always happy when I get a hole in one.
• Your pants remind me of Vegas…. The kinda place I go to blow my Wad.
• How much do your clothes cost? (Woman says “Why do you want to know?”) Cause I`ll need to know how much to pay you back after I rip them off.!
• Wanna make like scarface and say hello to my little friend
• Your br*asts remind me of Mount Rushmore….my face should be among them.
• Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I’ll throw you my meat.
• As long as you need a place to sit, you’ll always have my face.
• Beauty is only skin deep; a huge c*ck goes much deeper.
• Do you cum here, often?
• Wanna do something that rhymes with truck?
• Do you know the difference between my p*nis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out!
• My d*ck just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
• Guess what?! I’ve got an 8″ tongue and I can breath out of my ears!
• Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?
• Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?
• “Are you cold? Would you like a jacket? Because you can jack it when we get back to my place”
• You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can br*astfeed by you until I’m 5.
• Since we shouldn’t waste things in this bad economy, what you say we use these co*doms in my pocket before they expire.
• “Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?” (pull your pockets inside out) “Would you like to?”
• Let’s go to my place and do some math add a bed subtracts our clothes divide your legs and multiply
• Hey! Wanna play war? I lay on the floor and you blow the fcuk out of me!
• If we were both squirrels would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
• “I’m against animal cruelty, so don’t hurt my monkey, please stroke it gently”
• “Wanna take a shower with me to conserve water?”
• “When I see you, sea levels aren’t the only thing rising…”
• “Your so hot you must’ve started all of the global warmings”
• “Turning off your Engine, gets my motor humming”
• “I don’t drive a car, but I’d love to walk you home!”
•  ”Turning off the Lights, is one of my Turn On’s”
• “I bet your Dad is an Environmentalist because you are so eco-friendly”
• “You eyes are as bright as energy saving halogen light bulbs, would you light up my life?”
• Screw the nice list, I’ve got you on my “nice and naughty list!
• That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!